Coming Out Day 2025: Stories from our iManage community

In 2024, iManage colleagues shared their deeply personal journeys in honor of National Coming Out Day. The stories sparked dialogue, reflection, and, most importantly, connection. They reminded us that “coming out” is not a single moment but an ongoing process, one that looks different for everyone.

Now in 2025, we continue that tradition by highlighting three more voices from our community. Their experiences show how courage, timing, and supportive environments can shape the journey toward living authentically — both at work and beyond.

Aj Patterson, Staff Software Engineer

For Aj, the path towards authenticity came in stages. They first came out as bisexual in 2018, while starting a new job. At a networking event hosted by their new company’s LGBTQ+ ERG, they shared their identity, wanting to begin this new chapter with a clean slate. Around the same time, they also came out to their long-time partner, now wife, and, later, to their parents.

Years later, in 2021, Aj took another step: coming out as non-binary. That part of the journey was harder. They recall updating pronouns in Zoom, talking it through with their manager, and asking colleagues for support. “I don’t want to call anyone out in a meeting,” Aj explains, “but the more you can adhere to these pronouns, the more that other team members will. Some people didn’t quite get it, but at least they were respectful.”

The decision to come out wasn’t tied to a single dramatic event but to timing. “If there’s a time, it’s now." Coming out also meant experimenting — trying they/them/their pronouns, exploring gender expression, and learning through conversations with friends in similar situations. Aj found comfort in seeing others around them live authentically, which gave them the courage to do the same.

Before coming out, Aj felt pulled between different identities: masculine when they were Andrew, neutral when they were Jordan, but always most comfortable as Aj. Today, they find strength in visibility. “For companies, I always look for their ERGs. That makes a huge difference. Coming back to the office, not everyone shared pronouns on their name tags, but just having the space to do that makes me feel more comfortable.”

When asked how colleagues can help create inclusive environments, Aj highlights the power of small, proactive gestures: “Introduce yourself with your pronouns. You don’t have to ask for theirs. If someone is questioning, they may not feel comfortable sharing, but hearing you say yours can make the whole room more welcoming.”

Mitch, Finance Accountant

Mitch’s story begins in a small town in Iowa — population 1,000. Growing up there was almost no visibility of queer life. "There was just no exposure. The only other gay person I knew was one guy in high school who was openly out, and we were in band together.” It wasn’t until age 18 that Mitch realized he was gay; “Something just clicked in my mind. Suddenly so many things made sense.”

Coming out to his family was the hardest part. With a large extended family rooted in small-town, conservative traditions, there was little framework for acceptance. Mitch’s dad, while loving, initially responded with worry: he was afraid of what could happen to his son in a world that still carries opposition and risk. Mitch reflects on that moment: “They wanted to do what was best, but they didn’t always know how.” Despite those difficulties, love endured. Mitch emphasizes that he has always respected his family and still does. Their reactions didn’t stop him from moving forward — in fact, they pushed him to seek an environment where he could thrive.

That shift came when he left Iowa for Chicago to study at DePaul. There, he met a trans roommate and connected with classmates from diverse backgrounds. “It was transformative. The more people I exposed myself to, the more open I became to different lifestyles and cultures.” 

Work has played an equally important role. Mitch admits he once worried about how he would fit into the business world as an out gay man. But being part of companies with DEI initiatives has made a difference, allowing him to talk openly about his life and show up as himself.

For Mitch, acceptance is about empathy. “The biggest success is having someone listen — really listen — and feel like they’re putting themselves in my shoes.”

Matt Ring, Principal Software Engineer

Matt’s story reminds us that coming out can happen at any stage of life. Growing up as part of Gen X in Rochester, New York he recalls being told what “gay” meant without ever actually knowing anyone who was gay. When he first moved to Chicago, meeting an openly gay neighbor gave him confidence and a better understanding. 

Married for 14 years, with two children, he had long wondered about his attraction to men but kept those thoughts private. Years later, as his marriage neared its end, Matt finally found the opening to come out as bisexual. The timing was bittersweet. “The divorce gave me the opportunity,” he says. “I never thought I was going to come out.”

The experience was not defined by drama but by transition. His children, already familiar with queer friends, adapted. His immediate family, including his brother and father, showed support. Even his in-laws were kind. But the divorce and coming out happening simultaneously was no small matter. He’s also quick to remind others that sexuality doesn’t define him. “I’ve embraced it and added a few accents to my style. I still like the same things.”

Today, Matt balances authenticity with pragmatism. He is most passionate about using his experience to support others. “The hardest part of coming out and being non-conformist is what your private environment looks like. If someone is wondering about their sexuality and they’re in a very repressive setting, it’s very difficult.”

That’s why, for Matt, workplace empathy matters. He recalls a past role at a company where there was little flexibility for employees dealing with personal struggles like divorce, loss, or coming out. Matt describes iManage as “friendly,” and credits that atmosphere with helping him feel grounded as he navigated change. “If you have an opportunity to ease a rough period in someone’s home life, you’re helping them and yourself. Those small acts make a huge difference.”

Moving forward together

Aj, Mitch, and Matt show us that there is no single path to authenticity. Each story reflects different circumstances — new jobs, new cities, divorces, and family dynamics — yet they all share a common thread: courage, and the pursuit of spaces where it’s safe to be oneself.

At iManage, employee resource groups like iMProud provide that foundation, but real inclusion happens in everyday actions: listening, sharing pronouns, showing empathy, and creating environments where people don’t have to hide.

As we honor National Coming Out Day, let’s remember that every story has the power to inspire, to teach, and to build bridges of understanding. Together, we can ensure that everyone — no matter when or how they come out — finds not just acceptance, but belonging.

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